The Top 10 Things You Don't Want To Hear From Tech Support

10.) "So... what are you wearing?"
9.) "Duuuuude! Bummer!"
8.) "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."
7.) "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
6.) "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."
5.) "I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
4.) "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
3.) "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
2.) "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
1.) "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

Spare Time

Think some people have too much time on their hands? You ain't seen nothin' yet - check out the Sashimi Tabernacle Choir, courtesy of the Presurfer:

Time is running out

Well, kind of.

The recent earthquake in Chile shifted the planet's axis by about 8 cm and shortened days by 1.26 microseconds

Why eBay sucks

I just finished cruising through eBay while checking on general prices for a few things I'm considering getting, and realized that some of what I was seeing didn't quite fit under their category (I didn't "search" for anything, that is).

In a lot (if not most) of the technology categories, there doesn't seem to be any restriction against (or correction of) people listing items in the wrong category. For example, I went looking for a Blu-ray drive for my main computer (specifically, I'm after a reader/writer); stuff that turned up in the listing included:

• A Sun blank panel filler
• External FLOPPY drive
• a number of DVD drives
• a computer case

eBay doesn't seem to give a happy damn about the folks actually buying stuff. Either that, or eBay computers aren't doing a particularly good job at limiting what's displayed to the appropriate catergory (which suggests that there's probably stuff NOT being shown, that should be).

Followup:
Complained to eBay, they sent me a generic mealy-mouthed response. Aggravated me, so I went into a different category and reported every single violation I found on the first 20 (of 134) pages. Turned out to be over a hundred items. The last report I sent, I suggested that maybe they were getting the idea of what it was like for buyers...

Vista... DRM... Who the f*ck cares?

I've actually had a couple of people email me with something along the lines of "Why should I give a rodent's rear-end about Vista and the DRM crap? I'm still using XP, and will for as long as I can. Besides, I don't watch movies on my computer, anyway -- that's what the TV is for!"

My initial tendency is to suggest that folks actually go read the nice article. But since I know I'm a geek and most folks aren't, I'll address a few issues here.

1. Don't care about Vista, I'm still using XP.
   That's all well and good... for as long as your XP lasts, and Microsoft doesn't fuck with it. Some may remember the "adventure" when MS went full-tilt with their Windows Genuine Advantage that they passed off as a vital security update. Do you SERIOUSLY believe that Microsoft isn't going to figure out how to start applying all of the nifty new "content protection" measures retroactively? Not only that, but XP itself contains some of the initial efforts at DRM that MS came up with (that's those "getting license" things that turn up); they've added even more to Vista, and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that they'll get even MORE enthusiastic with the next version -- and XP isn't being sold any more, if you hadn't noticed, so if you have to get a new computer, chances are that it's going to have whatever Microsofts latest offering is on it... at which point I reckon you will care.
2. DRM only affects the "premium content", not the computer itself.
   Well, no, that's not correct. All the stuff the computer has to do to "protect" that premium content is always laying there in wait for it show up. Regardless of whatever else you might be doing, the "content protection" stuff is still checking your video and other digital outputs every 30mS (that's 120 times a second, roughly), and analog outputs like sound every 150mS (24 times/second). Sure, you've got this powerful sexy high-end processor... but don't you think that it would work a little faster if it wasn't off playing with itself so much?
3. Feh. It doesn't cost anything, anyway, so why bother?
   Strictly speaking, that isn't entirely correct. Implementing all that "content protection" means having to add more computer code (hint: Vista comes on a DVD, not CD), and more computer code means more places for software bugs to rear their ugly little heads. But then, Microsoft is SO good about fixing those rare mistakes they make, aren't they? The other side of that is there's an added expense for all the hardware that goes IN to the computer. You don't seriously think that the companies that make video cards, sound cards, motherboards, and all the rest are just going to eat the added cost of all that nonsense, do you (download this PowerPoint presentation by ATI, the video card maker, and see how often the phrase "cost is passed on" shows up)? On top of that, because of the way the "content protection" works, companies that make add-in cards are going to have every reason in the world to offer FEWER choices. The way it works now, they essentially start out by designing a high-end card, then figure out what stuff they can leave off to make progressively less expensive versions (i.e. no TV OUT, no digital video out, etc). The restrictions put on them by the hardware requirements of DRM means that they can't do that any more (lest their product not be accepted at all); the only "reasonable" solution is to minimize the number of genuinely original designs -- which they'll have to charge more for to make the same money.
   
4. Meh. I only have to worry if there's a problem.
   Again, that's not strictly true. You see, it depends on what your definition of "problem" is -- and how different that definition might be from that used by the DRM (Microsofts software AND the hardware manufacturers). Mentioned in the referenced article is something called "tilt bits", and the description is entirely appropriate. Just like you could "tilt" the old pinball games and shut them down, the "tilt bits" in the DRM can shut down parts of your computer: software and hardware both are obliged to check for anything suspicious, and "tilt" if they find it. What's suspicious? Could be a slightly out-of-specification voltage (maybe someone is trying to "spy" on the signal!), a little bit of electrical noise at the wrong time (more spying!), a strange code due to a hiccup of some kind (spies!), a weird reading (SPIES!), or whatever the hell somebody thought needed to be included (they're out to get me, I tell you!). In such cases, the offending/offended part of the computer system will be re-started. Repeatedly, if necessary. Just what you need in the middle of a romance or horror movie, yes?

I'm not just bullshitting people, here. If you don't believe me, go read the article. Then read (with a sceptical eye) the drivel Microsoft posted in "response", and the comments.

---

“I've just had my first experience with HD content being blocked. I purchased an HP Media Center PC with a built-in HD DVD player, together with a 24″ 'high definition' 1920 × 1200 HP flat panel display (HP LP2465). They even included an HD movie, 'The Bourne Supremacy'. Sure enough, the movie won't play because while the video card supports HDCP content protection, the monitor doesn't. (It plays if I connect an old 14″ VGA CRT using a DVI-to-VGA connector)” — Roger Strong.

“[Vista] refuses to send content through the component output for my plain jane video files. So the content system disables all content through the non protected output. Its listed in the nvida vista driver news that vista's content protection disables this output [See “NVIDIA Features No Longer Supported towards the end of the page ”]. Many forum posts, search engine results for problem. Content protection is active in some form, as I can attest. The mere disabling of UNPROTECTED output while playing UNPROTECTED content is proof enough as far as im concerned.” — Kevin Cripe.

“By any standard, Vista's new DRM capabilities hardly qualify as a selling point; after all, it's hard to sing the praises of technology designed to make life harder for its users” — Matt McKenzie, Computerworld.

“The net effect of these concerns may constitute the real Vista revolution as they point to an unprecedented loss of consumer control over their own personal computers […] Vista seemingly wrestles control of the 'user experience' from the user ” — Michael Geist, Canada Research Chair in Internet and E-commerce Law at the University of Ottawa, Faculty of Law.

“DRM causes too much pain for legitimate buyers […] There are huge problems with DRM” — Bill Gates (reported by blogger Michael Arrington).

Dear MPAA:

If you want to start making more money from movie sales, fix this (click = bigger):

HINT: The answer is a whole lot closer to the first choice than the second; and no, trying to make customers buy more copies of the movie isn't the answer, either. Kthnxbai.

Via the Presurfer

Like movies at home? You're screwed!

Oh, here's a goodie, courtesy of the entertainment industry. It seems that at the end of this year, entertainment gear (TVs, receivers, Blu-ray players, etc.) will no longer be allowed to make products that output HD signals unless those outputs meet the AACS (Advanced Access Content System) -- which amounts to the ability to limit them to the "old" low-res analog TV quality if the folks that put the movie out choose to do so. No high-definition for you unless your player complies with their desire to control how their movies are viewed. The movie studios want to be able to charge you for every single way you want to watch the movies you buy.

Yes, this applies to current HD-capable devices such as Blu-ray players.

No, you may NOT take the one disk you BOUGHT and PAID FOR and use it whenever and wherever the hell you want. Nor may you make a backup copy in case the dog chews the store-bought one.

Watch it at home? That's one copy.
Want to watch it on a portable while on the road? That's another copy.
Want to watch it on your computer? There's copy #3.
Watch it on something else, or a different place? Guess what...

In other words, the movie industry is finally at the point where they can (try to) enforce their wish to control how you watch the movies YOU bought, using the players that YOU paid for.

As a Linux user, I don't doubt that somebody is going to figure a way around this, since Linux doesn't spread it's legs for the MPAA/RIAA the way Microsoft does. You Windows users... well, you're pretty much screwed.

Okay, THIS isn't good...

BoingBoing is reporting that a Merion, PA school district has been remotely monitoring school-issued laptops -- even in the child's home. From the fine article:

According to the filings in Blake J Robbins v Lower Merion School District (PA) et al, the laptops issued to high-school students in the well-heeled Philly suburb have webcams that can be covertly activated by the schools' administrators, who have used this facility to spy on students and even their families. The issue came to light when the Robbins's child was disciplined for "improper behavior in his home" and the Vice Principal used a photo taken by the webcam as evidence. [emphasis added]

For further scary details, have a look at the class-action suit being brought against the school district.

If you're not inclined to go through the comments to find it, a PBS "Digital Nation" piece showed it being done inside a Bronx school (at about 4:39 in).

Me, I can see something like that being done in the classroom during school hours -- but anywhere else, not so much. Here's hoping the sub-geniuses that came up with this idea (and the morons that didn't object, and the asshats that actually implemented it) all find themselves doing serious time and being sued for everything but their underwear...

Of, By, and For the people - RESOLVED

I got an email from a city official this morning, saying that he wanted to speak with me directly - either in person or by phone.

I called, and was advised that I was welcome to the GIS data, that I could select any or all of the list of GIS layers that I would be emailed, and an apology for the frustrations of the last couple of days.

I politely thanked him, and that was the end of the conversation.

Judging by the level of officialdom that I spoke with, I'm fairly confident that it will happen just that way.

UPDATE Friday, 29 Jan:
Received this email late this afternoon...

Dear Mr. Merriman,

As per your request, I am sending you an Excel spreadsheet that provides you with a list of the GIS related data that we have available. There are several tabs on the spreadsheet with different types of GIS information. Below is an overview of what is in each tab:


1) SDE_Data is the ArcSDE geodatabase (GDB) containing many of our primary base map data layers. This includes data imported from Yellowstone County and the State of Montana.

2) Geodatabases_MDB is a list of personal geodatabases which uses Microsoft Access format. Many of these are working or draft datasets, and may or may not have resulted in the output of a final version, but we keep them for reference.

3) PW_ROWAssets contains Public Works non-utility right-of-way assets such as curbs and gutters, sidewalks, signs, streetlights, traffic signals, storm drains, etc. Storm drains are a work in progress and are not ready for export, except for a high level view. This data has been provided to consultants working with the City.

4) PW_Utilities is the utilities infrastructure. This is a work in progress, though the sanitary sewer data is mostly complete. The water system is nearing completion. In addition to underground pipe are manholes, pumping stations, reservoirs, physical plant sites, intake and discharge points, lift stations, pumps, electrical vaults, transformers, force mains, and a wide variety of other features.

As Assistant City Administrator McCandless explained to you, this is the first large scale request we have had for our GIS data. Please review the list of GIS data on the enclosed spreadsheet and hopefully this will help you to identify the GIS data that you are interested in obtaining from the City of Billings. We look forward to receiving your request and providing you with the information. Having said this, I must tell you that we have not fully reviewed the list to determine if any of the GIS data does NOT qualify as public record due to privacy, security, and public safety issues. We will be doing this review soon. We will be sure to prioritize the review of the data you request so that we can fulfill your request as quickly as we can.

Thank-you for your patience while we work through the process of providing you with the information that you are requesting.

Of, By, and For the people my ass!

Back on December 25th (yes, Christmas; I don't have family to spend holidays with so it's pretty much just another day for me) I fired off an email to the HMFIC of the GIS (Geographic Information Systems) for the city of Billings, inquiring about the availability of GIS data. I've gotten interested in what's possible with GIS, and was hoping to get a set of "real world" data that I could have a look at in different ways.

Well, a month later, I got an initial response back:

David,
I'm sorry for not responding sooner. The City's GIS data is not available for direct download, and at this time we do not have a publicly accessible web mapping service. Yellowstone County provides a public map service that makes available information about property, streets, administrative boundaries, and other layers, as well as imagery, topo maps, etc. The State of Montana also has a public state-wide map service which provides some of the same information as does the Yellowstone County map service. Both sites can be found using Google.

Yellowstone County: http://www.co.yellowstone.mt.gov/mapping/webgis.asp
State of Montana: http://gis.mt.gov/

I will be glad to answer any questions.

[name, rank, and serial number removed to protect the guilty]

-----Original Message-----
From: Dave Merriman [mailto:dkmerriman@gmail.com]
Sent: Friday, December 25, 2009 2:31 PM
To: XXXXX
Subject: City GIS data

Is the GIS data for the city available for download or otherwise available to the public? If so, how might I get a copy?

David Merriman

To that, I responded with

You said that it is not available for direct download; if I were to
provide the media (cds/dvds), would it be possible to get a copy that
way?

DM

Either I'm on somebody's Watch List, the dingleberry doesn't want to be bothered, or he's so low on the food chain that he doesn't have the horsepower to make a decision. The following is his reply to my second email request, and MY response:

> David,
> Per your request for the City's GIS data: in that the City's GIS data
> are considered public records, in order for us to fulfill your
> request a Request For Public Records must first be filled out,
> specifying what data is being requested.

I must confess that I find this requirement to be somewhat at odds with
the policies in place for the State and Yellowstone county; both readily
offer GIS data for download (links to follow).

> The GIS data in its
> entirety could fill dozens of DVDs, and may be better copied to an
> external hard drive, to be provided by the requestor. In addition,
> the City will charge for whatever time is required to fulfill the
> request. The City of Billings GIS data is stored in multiple
> databases, and in literally hundreds or thousands of individual
> files. A request such as this could take many hours or days to
> fulfill, unless a more specific set of data is requested.

This seems rather farfetched, to me. The basic Yellowstone County
datasets offered by the county and state would each fit comfortably onto a single 700MB CD (see http://www.co.yellowstone.mt.gov/mapping/webgis.asp
and http://nris.mt.gov/gis/gisdatalib/gisDataList.aspx). Still, if the
City GIS Coordinator isn't sure of how much GIS data the City has
actually accumulated, an external drive could be provided.

I do have a problem with your statement that fulfilling a request such as
mine could take "many hours or days"; even the free GIS software for my
Linux system will cheerfully export GIS data and maps _in toto_. Surely,
the City finds it worthwhile to regularly review the GIS maps that are
available - why would it take "hours" to simply copy a map layer to an
external hard drive? As regards the "multiple databases" and "hundreds
or thousands of files", isn't that the whole POINT of having GIS
software, so that all those files can be accessed quickly and easily?

>
> Furthermore, certain data may be considered a matter of public safety
> under Montana Code Annotated, and pending an analysis by City staff
> may not be available to the general public.

I would certainly expect public safety data to be excluded from my
request. Still, absent any information from the City regarding what data
is available, I would have to phrase any request for GIS data as
broadly as possible. Even so, I would hope that the various datasets
(water supplies, sewage, storm drainage, etc) would be on individual GIS
map layers so as to allow City employees (or other users) to view only
those areas of interest.

>
> The Request For Public Records can be found on the City's website
> under the Clerk and Recorders page:
> http://ci.billings.mt.us/index.aspx?nid=104.

As an FYI, the Request form is now located at the URL:

http://ci.billings.mt.us/DocumentView.aspx?DID=962

While the City may not explicitly make the GIS data available via a web
site (or even page), I find it troubling that there doesn't seem to have
been any thought given to the idea that a mere citizen might want access
to the data that has already been paid for.

I would have HOPED that my initial request about the GIS data would have drawn a response along the lines of "Sure, we've got Water, Sewage,
Electric Distribution, Storm Drainage, Rights of Way, Property
Ownership, Physical Addresses, [further list of subjects]. We can't
release ______ and _____ for public safety reasons, but you're welcome to any of the others. Each dataset takes up ABOUT ________ bytes, and you'll have to bring your own storage medium for us to copy it to. Make an appointment, and we can copy it over for you in about _____ minutes, tops. This isn't any big deal, since we keep a copy of the files handy, so there won't be any charge."

Instead, what I got was an initial attempt to shuttle me off to something
completely different from what I inquired about. A followup got me the
message that I've responded to in this email.

Taking this (your second) response at face value, I am left with the
distinct impression that either you don't want to be bothered by an
actual Billings resident and threw out a bunch of word salad to try
and discourage me; or you actually don't have any idea of how much GIS
data the City has or what that data consists of.

Mr. XXXXX, I made an honest and polite request for assistance and
information. I would think that an open and honest governmental body -
one with an interest in actually serving the public - would have
responded much differently than you have. If you plan to continue with
the attitude that you have demonstrated to me thus far, I would suggest
that you get your job title changed from "GIS Coordinator" to "GIS
Obfuscator".

Since you have seen fit to CC your email to the City Attorney, Assistant
City Manager and City Manager (but, curiously, not the Director or
Assistant Directors of Public Works), I have taken the liberty of CCing
my response to my City Council members.

David Merriman

Yes, the shithead actually CCed his email to me to the individuals mentioned, and yes, I actually included my City Council reps in MY reply, which I sent after business hours.

We'll see what kind of response(s) I get tomorrow...

Pushing too hard

Once again, the Chinese (People's Republic of China, the commies) have pushed things too hard.

It seems that they've been caught hacking into Google (which helpfully blocks search results the little commie bastards don't want their citizens to see). In response, Google has finally announced to World + Dog what the PRC has been up to -- and then gone so far as to say that they're damn well ready to pull out of China completely because they're tired of all the crap.

If you're interested in some reading material, you might be interested in this report on Chinese "infowar" strategies, policies, and events (PDF download). It isn't too long, and makes for some interesting reading. When you're done, though, you might find yourself asking "Now, just exactly why do I need to buy my crap from this country?"...

UPDATE
I was aware that the PRC was engaged in a lot of attempts to gain unauthorized access to various computer systems, but not really aware of how broad and deep that activity extended. One report I've found indicates that nearly TWO HUNDRED computers were infected to become part of a single information-gathering operation against Tibet activists and the Dalai Lama; Computer Week reports that Googles revelation is, basically, just the tip of a much bigger iceberg.

People, how much longer are we going to keep buying their crappy products so they can use our money to turn around and try to treat the rest of the world the same way they treat their own people? Does "Tiananmen Square" ring a bell for anyone? How about that airplane of ours that they screwed up, forcing it to land in China, where they held the crew hostage for a week (and kept the airplane)? Poisioned toothpaste and dog food? Date-rape drugs in the toys they sell us? Highly toxic cadmium and other heavy metals in the playthings for our kids? HELLO?

Boycott Wal*Mart, because the shift from American manufacturing to China can be laid directly at their doorstep.

Secrets of High Technology

Just had an "interesting" experience:

Got a call from someone that turned out to be a wrong number.

Fine, no biggie, it happens. But what does the shipdit that made it do?

How about hit "redial" on their phone, thinking that they'll get the number they wanted, and not the number they actually dialed? The mooron actually ASKED me why their 'redial' didn't work right...

Proving once again that there are people who's ancestors shouldn't have come down out of the trees...

EDUP wireless lan PC card

Anyone running Linux and thinking about buying one of these cards ("popular" on eBay -- example HERE) should NOT do so -- they are Windows ONLY, and you'll only be wasting your money.

NONE of the potential work-arounds for Windows-specific wifi devices will work with these things.

Just so you know...

Computer Service

One of the things that I try to explain to people when I work on their computer is that heat is something that electronic components absolutely do not like. I go on to tell them that dust on the parts in their computers is like wrapping them in tiny little blankets, making it all but impossible for the heat to escape. Finally, I suggest to them that they pick one (or even two) days a year to remove any dust and other particles out of their computers.

It's perfectly okay to simply open the computer up and go after the insides of it with a vacuum cleaner (I recommend the crevice attachment) or a can of compressed air. Pay special attention to the processor heat sink and fan assembly, but don't forget to clean the rest of the parts as best you can. With the vacuum or compressed air, you're not likely to unplug or disconnect anything, so you don't have to worry about "breaking" the computer. In the case of a laptop, simply get yourself a can of compressed air and give the vents a few shots every couple of months.

By giving your computer a cleaning like that, you'll not only be doing yourself the favor of extending the life of the computer, but saving yourself any potential embarrassment if you DO have to have it serviced. After all, you wouldn't want it to look anything like one of these, would you? (WARNING: not for the squeamish!)

Pleased with myself

A few weeks ago, the display went out on my laptop -- it's an old IBM Thinkpad, and the little fluorescent tube that makes the screen light up finally went out on it. Perfectly reasonable, and no big deal -- other than I had to order the part, disassemble the display subassembly, replace said part, and then put everything back together again.

I managed to do this (a task that involved no small number of miniscule screws of various sizes) not only successfully -- I'm using the laptop for this blog entry -- but ended up with the same number of parts as I started out with: I experienced neither a screw shortage, nor any mechanical amplification (having more parts when I finished than when I began).

Damn, I'm good.

And modest, too!

Demonstrable Geekiness

While I'm nowhere near "professional grade" at programming, I have managed to finish my little learning-to-program-in-Java project.

It's a simple, basic little utility to let someone interested in building a small (home/cabin) solar panel (Photo-Voltaic) to generate and store some amount of electricity.

The program lets the user enter and adjust a variety of different loads (a fridge, TV, etc), how many of what sizes of solar panels and batteries, power inverters for those things that NEED regular "line" power, and a few other little helpful options. As the different user-input values change, the program recalculates everything. The user has the option to either print the information to a printer, or save it to a computer file that can be imported to a spreadsheet (where they can get serious about playing with the numbers, if they want). The program is called PVcalc, and is available for download from my website.

If you're interested, curious, or just like to watch trainwrecks, go on over and get yourself a copy and let me know how bad I suck at programming :-)

Not for mere mortals...

I've been teaching myself the Java programming language for the past couple of weeks. It has been something of an "adventure", but I've actually rather enjoyed it.

I wanted to learn Java, specifically, because it is widely touted as being a cross-platform programming environment: something written in Java is supposed to run on a Windows box, a Linux machine, an Apple, or damn near anything else that can handle Java.

The downside of that kind of power and flexibility (TANSTAAFL!) is that doing things the Java way is appreciably different than what I've been used to. Doing math stuff in Java, for example, leaves one with a thorough grounding in touch-typing as a consequence of the refusal/inability of Java to automagically convert between types of numbers (integer, real, etc).

I've got my learn-by-doing program almost finished, and have run into what I reluctantly have to consider a major weakness: the inability to EASILY print simple, basic text to a (default) printer. By way of illustration, if I were using another programming language, I could do something relatively simple, like
printer.print "This is some text that I want to print"
to whatever the default printer was, using whatever passed for a default font and size.

In Java, however, it isn't that straightforward -- almost every cotton-picking little detail has to be declared, defined, and described... regardless of whether I'm printing a short line of text or rendering a copy of the Mona Lisa. While I don't doubt that the capabilities of printing in Java are wonderful, at this point it's SO damn flexible to me that I can't get hold of it well enough to actually do anything simple and basic with it.

Further aggravating my situation is that all of the tutorials that I've looked at have been of the starting-from-scratch, all-by-themselves variety; there doesn't seem to be anything that explains or demonstrates how to include printing basic text from within an existing program -- or, at least, not that I've been able to find/understand. If, or when, I finally get my head around how to print from within a Java application such as I've written, I may have to have a try at writing a "Java Printing for Dummies" tutorial.

In the mean time, it's various permutations of headache remedies and alcoholic beverages for me...

Major tech support secret revealed!

[ via XKCD web comic ]

Debt Collectors and Telemarketers

Sen. Jon Tester
222 N 32nd Street, Suite 102
Billings, MT 59101


Senator Tester;

I have recently made the conversion from traditional telephone to 'digital' service through my cable company. In the process, I neglected to ensure that I retained my original telephone number; as a consequence, I have had the opportunity to discover a few things about some companies that do a majority of their business over the phone.

The types of companies that I'm referring to are debt collection outfits and telemarketers, and what I've discovered is that neither of them seems to pay the slightest bit of attention to those unlucky enough to become their targets.

The debt collection agencies are probably the worst: they seem unable (or unwilling) to accept the fact that someone who has had a bill turned over to collection may also have lost their telephone service, too – and that the number may have been re-issued to someone else. I have gotten repeated phone calls from some agencies that have been annoying and persistent enough to provoke me into considerable ire (and profanity, I must confess).

While I have registered my (new) phone number with the national Do Not Call registry, it takes several weeks before that is (supposed) to become effective; in the mean time, I've been subjected to no small number of calls offering products I don't need or want, advised that I've won a variety of contests that I never entered, and enticed with a dizzying assortment of scams. The thing with the telemarketing calls is that many of them are robo-calls that tell me to press a number on my phone to stop receiving the calls – which don't stop, anyway.

Further exacerbating the situation is that the vast majority of these calls (of both types) have had names and/or numbers that didn't bear even the faintest connection to the actual caller.

After giving the matter some thought, I think that it would be entirely appropriate for the
government to address the issue. What I would like to see is the following suggestions be implemented as laws or regulations governing debt collection and telemarketing companies:

For telemarketers:
• Those called must be given an opportunity to decline, and be removed (permanently!)
from the contact list within 24 hours. Violations should result in a fine/penalty of $5,000
PER INCIDENT.
• The company contracting the telemarketing work (i.e., the one they're calling for) should
also be held liable for any violations made by the telemarketer. If I can learn that a
particular telemarketer has a reputation for bad behavior, I have to think that someone
hiring them can, too – and should be held accountable. I think applying the same perincident fee to them, too, would be appropriate.

For debt collectors:
• When advised that the person they're after no longer has a particular phone number, they
must immediately end the call, and make no further calls to that number until and unless
they have verified the number using something other than the most recent telephone
book/listing. Repeat calls should result in a fine or penalty of $10,000 PER INCIDENT.
• When a debt collector receives an account where the contact details are more than 6
months old, they must verify those details, as above, before making any calls. A
fine/penalty of $5,000 PER INCIDENT would be appropriate.

For both:
• When requested by a contact, representatives of the calling company must provide the
legal name (as in: the one printed on their paychecks!) of who they work for, vice who
they're calling on behalf of. Violations should be fined/penalized $50,000 PER
INCIDENT.
• Companies calling on behalf of someone other than themselves (such as telemarketers
and collection agencies) must provide their real names and contact phone numbers for
Caller ID. Failure to do so should cost them $50,000 PER INCIDENT.
• Allow those contacted to record and document such activities, and forward them to the
FCC for priority investigation. Current laws on the recording of telephone conversations
are a mish-mash of limitations imposed by different states; establish one overriding
exemption for those receiving interstate commercial calls.

Doubtless, representatives of both of these types of businesses will scream bloody murder at the idea; however, since they are patently unable or unwilling to effectively police themselves, then it must be done FOR them. Also, the dollar values I've proposed are meant to be high – the cost should be sufficient to ensure that non-compliance isn't even considered. If you wanted to double (or even treble) them, I certainly wouldn't object...

I would also suggest that funding to the FCC (or other agency, as appropriate) be increased
somewhat so that they would have the means to investigate such activities, and even take a proactive approach toward ensuring compliance.

I shall look forward to receiving any response you might care to make to this letter.

Respectfully,


David K. Merriman

Intertoobz -- I gotz 'em

The local cable company (Bresnan) turned up yesterday (at the beginning of the two-hour window they gave me) to get me connected to their systems.

It didn't take long for the installation guy to get me hooked up with cable TV (more on that in a moment), Internet, and digital telephone (technically, 'Voice over IP', or VOIP). I've got more bandwidth than I had with DSL (though it IS somewhat clogged with a bunch of Windows systems spewing crap), and the couple of calls that I've made with my phone indicate that everything phone-wise is working well, too.

When I signed up with Bresnan, I agreed to their $100/month TV-Internet-Phone package; compared to their regular prices listed in all the paperwork they issued me, it is something of a deal. The thing is, I'm really not all that interested in the TV side of it -- I simply don't watch it that much. There are a couple of movie channels that I'll likely use a little, and a couple more specialty channels (I watched programs on the M1A1 Abrams tank and the F-117 stealth fighter on the Military Channel last night, for example), but that's about it. I simply have no interest in the myriad of food/living channels, the sports channels, the reruns of OLD programs (I Love Lucy? yeesh!), and so on. So when the trial period expires, so will the cable service, methinks. The remote they issued me for my cable box has enough buttons on it that it looks like something NASA came up with, too.

Anyway, I have a shiny new phone number (I could have kept the old Qwest number, if I hadn't told them to buzz off before the installation guy turned up), a bigger pipe for my Intertoobz, and a shitload of TV channels not to watch.