Stupid is as Stupid does

For those inDUHviduals that don't seem to have enough functioning brain cells to figure this out on their own, here is a Free Clue:

You should turn your lights on when the weather is bad (rain, fog, snow).

Sure, maybe you can see "okay", but turning your lights on -- all the way, not just your parking lights -- means that it's easier for other people to SEE YOU. Now, here's the tricky part so you need to pay attention: if other people can SEE YOU, then they're a lot less likely to do something nonsensical like pull out in front of you. This means that you're a lot less likely to get into an accident. To make it even easier for you, try to remember that LIGHTS ON = ACCIDENTS OFF.

'kay?

2 plus 3 equals purple

Okay, sports fans, try this one on for size:

• The city of Billings has an ordinance (Sec. 22-406) that states that property owners are responsible for removing snow from their sidewalks within 24 hours of the end of the snowstorm.
• Said ordinance is "complaint-driven", meaning that one must call a specific number and provide the address of the guilty party.
• On such complaint, the city will mail the owner a notice that they have to remove the snow.
• If the property owner fails to do so, the city has the option of either removing it and billing the owner, or issuing the owner a fine up to $500.
• When we get a snowstorm, the city promptly dispatches the snowplows to deal with the major thoroughfares (i.e. "snow routes").
• The current procedure is for the snowplow drivers to redirect the snow onto the sidewalks so as to keep the roads clear.

Now, if some enthusiastic or motivated person goes out and clears their walks and the city plow then comes along and buries the sidewalk in snow, who's responsible?

This is not an uncommon occurence, and I can easily imagine the city sending a nastygram to property owner, who does one of the following:

1. Re-shovels, then bills the city for the extra effort. When the city doesn't pay, take them to court.
2. Ignores the city's notice, and gets fined or billed as appropriate. The aggravated property owner then rears back on their hind legs and sues the city.
   
3. Tells the ordinance enforcement people what happened, and to get lost, followed by (2) above.

None of the three options above has happened that I know of, but considering the problems Billings has had with lawsuits over the past few years, I think it's only a matter of time before someone DOES get fed up with the stupidity. When it does, I'm betting that a court will side with the property owner. Any lawyer types out there care to express an opinion?

It was a Merry Catsmas

I live alone and (thankfully) don't have any relatives within travelling distance, so it was just me and the cats for Kwanzmasukkah this year.

A friend and I are exchanging gifts, but they're of the relatively inexpensive "Damn, I've been meaning to get one of those..." variety.

The big celebration was reserved for my "kids", Elf and Radar.

Now, I like pets and all that, but I'm not one of those people that will run out and spend $100 on a pet sweater or high-end bed or anything like that. What the cats got was a can of people-grade tuna (making me their favoritest person in the whole world... for exactly as long as the tuna held out), and a large paper bag from the local grocery store. Yeah, the bag was free, but they couldn't have had any more fun with it if I'd actually spent cash money on it.

They had a dandy time "exploring" it, ambushing the snot out of it, making it crinkle and crackle, taking turns playing 'bag-mouse', and so on.

The only bit of awkwardness came when I heard Radar complaining about something; all I could see was Elf laying on the end of the bag. After trying to figure out where the noise was coming from, I finally realized that Radar was inside the bag, and couldn't get out because Elf was holding the opening shut. Once Elf was enticed off the bag, all was well with the world again.

As expected, it didn't take long for the two of them to "break" their toy: less than 24 for them to tear a large-ish opening in the side, and another 12 to have that side of the bag completely ripped open.

Lessons learned

Of course, there have been a number of things that everyone has learned along the way -- some of them more important and immediate...

the last minute

As the time for departure gets close, everyone on Santa's staff gets concerned -- some of them more so than others...

Staff problems

While on his rounds, Santa isn't the only one that runs into difficulties along the way.

Technical issues

Sadly, it sometimes happens that something happens that Santa simply can't deal with any other way, other than just like everyone else...

Santa's personnel problems (Part 3)

Some of the problems that Santa experiences are -- sadly -- of the self-induced variety.

Incidental

Trying to get to every kid on the entire fucking planet does keep Santa moving along -- meaning that he doesn't always have time to do the right thing when some problem or other comes up.

Fame

You might not think so, but Santa's popularity and fame does present its own problems...

Preparedness

While Santa is out on his rounds, he gets all the support he could possibly need. In some cases, it's simply a matter of one of the staff being alert to potential problems...

Santa's personnel problems (Part 2)

On the plus side, some of the problems that Santa runs into are easier to deal with than others. In fact, some of them actually turn out to be non-issues, as it were --

Old technology

It doesn't always work out that Santa is able to find all the places he's going as easily and quickly as he'd like...

Mrs. Claus

As busy as Santa and the rest are during Christmas, and the days leading up to it, Mrs. Claus has her share of problems, too...

Santa's personnel problems (Part 1)

As previously mentioned, some of the crew up at Santa's Workshop have what might politely be called "issues".

Another problem that some of them experience is loneliness, which cropped up last year...

Out in the toolies

One of the things about Santa Claus' operations is that it's way the hell out in the toolies -- so far, in fact, that they don't even have a Starbucks.

As you might expect, living in that kind of isolation means that Santa and his staff are pretty much on their own outside of Christmas. That results in some of them developing their own little... foibles, as shown: