Friday, May 30, 2008

I am (in)famous

I recently made a brief submission to a local weekly newspaper, the Outpost.

My article -- for the Science and Technology section, a monthly feature -- was accepted, and published in yesterdays edition.

Go on over and have a look at the mischief I got into, see what passes for news here in Billings, and help boost their online viewage numbers :-)

Why women live longer than men

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.

If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet . .. its male indifference.

If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape .. you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers .. you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache .. you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Any questions?

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Teh suXXor

Gag. Retch. Bleaaaaaargggggh.

Got a call this evening; when I went to answer the phone, caller ID displayed a 202 area code. WTF?

When I answered, the putz on the other end says he's calling about Hillary Clinton.

Deciding to do my part in preserving Life, Liberty, and The American Way, I readily engaged in a conversation with him -- what with him calling long distance 3/4 of the way across the country, why not piss away some of their campaign funding to no purpose?

I let him run his little spiel, but at every opportunity, made it sound as though I still wasn't sure who I'd vote for. Along the way, I asked a few 'pointed' questions ("This universal healthcare thing... who's gonna pay for it? And HOW?", "If Hillary was just 'tired' when she said that bit about Bosnian snipers, how good is she gonna be when she gets that 3:00 a.m. phone call?", and not settling for generic answers), as well.

All told, I probably managed to fart around with the asshole for half an hour before letting him off the hook -- by telling him something that I suggested elsewhere.

I'm only being half-joking about wanting Ralph Nader for President. Better a complete (and obvious) moonbat like Ralphie Boy than Hillary...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Link dump

Here's just a bunch of assorted links to things that I found interesting, humorous, or 'other'.

Knock yerselves out.

Light pole bites dog.

I don't think they teach this shit in medical school.

These goodies put 'Yo momma' to shame.

Just how dumb were you as a kid?

The real popularity of Paris Hilton.

These gangs don't quite measure up to 'Hells Angels' standards.

If that's not enough, don't forget to check out some videos.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day

To all those that have served, and given their lives, thank you.

Rest in Peace, brothers, Rest in Peace.