Top 10 reasons why Beer is better than Religion...

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

TOP 10 SEXY LINES FROM STAR WARS

10) "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
9) "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8) "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7) "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6) "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
5) "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4) "Sorry about the mess..."
3) "Look at the size of that thing!"
2) "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1) "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

The Top 10 Things You Don't Want To Hear From Tech Support

10.) "So... what are you wearing?"
9.) "Duuuuude! Bummer!"
8.) "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."
7.) "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
6.) "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."
5.) "I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
4.) "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
3.) "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
2.) "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."
1.) "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

Spare Time

Think some people have too much time on their hands? You ain't seen nothin' yet - check out the Sashimi Tabernacle Choir, courtesy of the Presurfer:

It's not pr0n, otherwise...

"Safety" is just another word in the dictionary

This YouTube vid is in German, but you won't need the English subtitles to get the idea of what's involved in forklift safety...

A common occurance around my place

How to start a riot

It's a nice, quiet Sunday afternoon, and it's intermittently attempting to snow (we've had snow on the ground for almost 90 straight days).

In the interest of passing time (as opposed to passing gas), I got the ol' laser pointer out and started aggravating exercising the cats.

Being the older of the two, Elf has mostly caught on that the damn laser dot can't be caught -- though she can't resist trying every so often.

Radar, on the other hand, still thinks that she can catch it with enough stalking, sneaking up on it, and pure enthusiasm.

Consequently, there comes a point where Elf gives up on the chase, and just lays down while Radar is still in full catch-it-kill-it mode.

Being Evil, I today I ran Radar around for a little while by frequently enticing her into thinking she almost managed to catch the dot. When she finally began to get tired and lose interest, I simply HAD to try one last thing: easing the dot over to where Elf was stretched out and wiggling it around ON ELF.

Normally, Radar would have enough sense not to annoy Elf to excess; after all, Elf is roughly 3X her size. But after coming so close to actually catching the dot, having it wiggling around and tormenting her proved to be too much: she just had to try to pounce on it. Being the unwilling and unwitting pouncee didn't sit well with Elf, and she commenced to giving Radar a sound thrashing. Apparently feeling she was being unjustly penalized for her actions, Radar began to fight back. While neither of them used claws or bit, there was still enough wrestling, slapping, jumping-on, and other combat to last a good five minutes, followed by another ten worth of getting in the "last word" via exchanging ambushes.

Why they keep me out of hospitals

I kill you!

If you haven't seen this before, you should watch it now -- it's freakin' hilarious: Achmed, the dead terrorist.

Lessons learned

Of course, there have been a number of things that everyone has learned along the way -- some of them more important and immediate...

Fitness

A lot of guys (and even some women) are real fitness fanatics.

Part of the thing about being "fit" is that so many people really want what are called "six-pack abs".

That's something I don't have to worry about -- I've done even better than that.

I've got keg abs!

the last minute

As the time for departure gets close, everyone on Santa's staff gets concerned -- some of them more so than others...

Staff problems

While on his rounds, Santa isn't the only one that runs into difficulties along the way.

Technical issues

Sadly, it sometimes happens that something happens that Santa simply can't deal with any other way, other than just like everyone else...

Santa's personnel problems (Part 3)

Some of the problems that Santa experiences are -- sadly -- of the self-induced variety.

Incidental

Trying to get to every kid on the entire fucking planet does keep Santa moving along -- meaning that he doesn't always have time to do the right thing when some problem or other comes up.

Fame

You might not think so, but Santa's popularity and fame does present its own problems...

Preparedness

While Santa is out on his rounds, he gets all the support he could possibly need. In some cases, it's simply a matter of one of the staff being alert to potential problems...

Santa's personnel problems (Part 2)

On the plus side, some of the problems that Santa runs into are easier to deal with than others. In fact, some of them actually turn out to be non-issues, as it were --