Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Terrorist strikes at McD

Every now and then, I give in to the temptation to enjoy the fine dining at McDonalds -- I'll admit that there are a couple of things on the menu that I actually like.

This morning, I stopped in for breakfast. Being a Troublemaker, I like to order what I want, versus their default manufacturing process. Accordingly, I wanted a quantity of TWO Snausage McMuffin sammich meals -- except that instead of two small cups of coffee, I asked if they could just put them into one larger cup.

Now, you might think that my request was simple and straightforward, but such was not the case. You see, McDonalds doesn't apparently grasp the concept of customer convenience or doing anything outside their Established Procedure.

From the reaction from the counter-person (something like an anti-person, I'm thinking), you'd have thought I asked him to solve a twelve-variable calculus equation in his head. After much brow-furrowing, he had to ask for help in trying to enter my request into the picture-screen. It wasn't working, and they finally had to get a blue-shirt to supervise. Before all was said and done, I was half-afraid the computers at McD Corporate were going to asplode.

I did get my one large cup of coffee, but it necessitated that they enter the order as:
  • ONE meal with no drink
  • A large coffee
  • A separate Snausage McMuffin sammich
  • A separate hashbrowns
Whereas two Snausage McMuffin meals would have cost me $8, the order they had to enter ended up costing me $8.40. That's right, folks -- I paid MORE money for LESS food (instead of 2 12-oz coffees, I got 1 20-oz; they "saved" 4 oz of coffee).

This is why jobs that require no thinking ability are referred to as McJobs, methinks...

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Stupid is as Stupid does

For reasons that escape me, Elf (a.k.a. the Hairy Nuisance) has decided that the bathtub is the feline Holodeck -- she'll get in the tub and flop around, paw at things unseen, and generally entertain the hell out of herself.

Yesterday, I helped out a friend by mowing his yard while he was out of town; when I got home, I put the pants I'd worn into a little water in the tub to soak (in an effort to preclude grass stains). While I was in the bathroom, Elf wandered in and decided it was recreation time. However, it wasn't until she was halfway into the tub that she realized something else was already there -- and like to have had a seizure trying not to fall into the tub with it. In the process, she managed to do a face plant on the tub before falling most ungracefully onto the floor.

As I practically ruptured an internal organ laughing, she stomped off while cursing me, my ancestors, and any progeny I might have.

One of these days, I'm going to give in to the repeated temptation to leave about an inch or two of water in the tub, just for the entertainment value of seeing what happens when she jumps into it.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Four-legged fiend

In the spirit of Leeann, I hereby submit the Top 10 things I say to my cat:

10. "And just WHERE do you think you're going?"
(when I leave the door open to go outside for 10 seconds; she's an indoors-only cat)

9. "Do you fucking mind?"
(during a too-close encounter, such as trying to sniff the inside of my nose)

8. "What the hell was THAT all about?"
(immediately following a Krazy Kat tear-around-the-house session)

7. "I don't CARE if you don't like it. That's what you get."
(chowtime)

6. "Knock it the fuck off!"
(after a protracted session of whining that she wants something... God only knows what)

5. "You keep that up, and I'm going to swap you for a dog - and shoot the dog."
(after leaving a particularly smelly deposit in her litter box)

4. "Why is there a cat in the middle of __________?"
(she finds a way to lay wherever it's most inconvenient for me)

3. "If you shed any more, I'll be able to make a whole new cat"
(should be self-explanatory)

2. "Ow, ow, ow!"
(she isn't above using her claws to get my attention)

and the #1 thing I say to my cat:

1. "Am I going to have to club you?"

Saturday, July 4, 2009

This is me!

The Scientist option, if you weren't sure...

Friday, June 26, 2009

Feathered Friend

I went over to a friends house today to help him out by mowing his yard while he's out of town.

On arrival, I was checking the yard for hazards, and happened on a smallish robin. Surprised that it hadn't flown away, I approached it to see what the deal was. It just stood there looking at me, even after I gently nudged it with my foot and convinced it to take a couple of half-hearted hops.

I figured it would find some place else to hang out once I got the mower fired up, but the dumbshit just stood there watching me. When I finally had to choose between stopping the mower, and creating robin puree, I stopped the mower. A few nudges convinced him/her (sorry, I didn't look close enough to establish gender) to take the few hops to a neighbor's yard, where (s)he would be out of the way. Once that was accomplished, it was back to the mowing. A while later, I saw that (s)he had finally decided to relocate.

I can only figure that I was being tested, and that my actions have resulted in a favorable report being sent off to the Organisation of Birds International - Western Area Network, and that my car has now been removed from the acceptable targets list.

At least, I'm hoping...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Debt Collectors and Telemarketers

Sen. Jon Tester
222 N 32nd Street, Suite 102
Billings, MT 59101


Senator Tester;

I have recently made the conversion from traditional telephone to 'digital' service through my cable company. In the process, I neglected to ensure that I retained my original telephone number; as a consequence, I have had the opportunity to discover a few things about some companies that do a majority of their business over the phone.

The types of companies that I'm referring to are debt collection outfits and telemarketers, and what I've discovered is that neither of them seems to pay the slightest bit of attention to those unlucky enough to become their targets.

The debt collection agencies are probably the worst: they seem unable (or unwilling) to accept the fact that someone who has had a bill turned over to collection may also have lost their telephone service, too – and that the number may have been re-issued to someone else. I have gotten repeated phone calls from some agencies that have been annoying and persistent enough to provoke me into considerable ire (and profanity, I must confess).

While I have registered my (new) phone number with the national Do Not Call registry, it takes several weeks before that is (supposed) to become effective; in the mean time, I've been subjected to no small number of calls offering products I don't need or want, advised that I've won a variety of contests that I never entered, and enticed with a dizzying assortment of scams. The thing with the telemarketing calls is that many of them are robo-calls that tell me to press a number on my phone to stop receiving the calls – which don't stop, anyway.

Further exacerbating the situation is that the vast majority of these calls (of both types) have had names and/or numbers that didn't bear even the faintest connection to the actual caller.

After giving the matter some thought, I think that it would be entirely appropriate for the
government to address the issue. What I would like to see is the following suggestions be implemented as laws or regulations governing debt collection and telemarketing companies:

For telemarketers:
• Those called must be given an opportunity to decline, and be removed (permanently!)
from the contact list within 24 hours. Violations should result in a fine/penalty of $5,000
PER INCIDENT.
• The company contracting the telemarketing work (i.e., the one they're calling for) should
also be held liable for any violations made by the telemarketer. If I can learn that a
particular telemarketer has a reputation for bad behavior, I have to think that someone
hiring them can, too – and should be held accountable. I think applying the same perincident fee to them, too, would be appropriate.

For debt collectors:
• When advised that the person they're after no longer has a particular phone number, they
must immediately end the call, and make no further calls to that number until and unless
they have verified the number using something other than the most recent telephone
book/listing. Repeat calls should result in a fine or penalty of $10,000 PER INCIDENT.
• When a debt collector receives an account where the contact details are more than 6
months old, they must verify those details, as above, before making any calls. A
fine/penalty of $5,000 PER INCIDENT would be appropriate.

For both:
• When requested by a contact, representatives of the calling company must provide the
legal name (as in: the one printed on their paychecks!) of who they work for, vice who
they're calling on behalf of. Violations should be fined/penalized $50,000 PER
INCIDENT.
• Companies calling on behalf of someone other than themselves (such as telemarketers
and collection agencies) must provide their real names and contact phone numbers for
Caller ID. Failure to do so should cost them $50,000 PER INCIDENT.
• Allow those contacted to record and document such activities, and forward them to the
FCC for priority investigation. Current laws on the recording of telephone conversations
are a mish-mash of limitations imposed by different states; establish one overriding
exemption for those receiving interstate commercial calls.

Doubtless, representatives of both of these types of businesses will scream bloody murder at the idea; however, since they are patently unable or unwilling to effectively police themselves, then it must be done FOR them. Also, the dollar values I've proposed are meant to be high – the cost should be sufficient to ensure that non-compliance isn't even considered. If you wanted to double (or even treble) them, I certainly wouldn't object...

I would also suggest that funding to the FCC (or other agency, as appropriate) be increased
somewhat so that they would have the means to investigate such activities, and even take a proactive approach toward ensuring compliance.

I shall look forward to receiving any response you might care to make to this letter.

Respectfully,


David K. Merriman

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Caturday 20090613

"Everybody knows" that kittens are harmless... except this puppy!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Got Milk?

With a hat tip to the Presurfer, here are some ad clips from a Canadian version of "got milk?"

I'm particularly amused by number 3 (the T. Rex) -- and the closing. You'll see why...

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Caturday 2009-0606



Mooch, the cat really likes his "Temptations" treats. His un-named buddy -- not so much...

Thursday, June 4, 2009