New career

I've decided that what I'd like to do is get into an entirely new career.

After seeing what passes for successful musical talent these days, I think I'll go into music -- specifically, I'm going to be a singer.

Not just any singer, though. I'm going to target two different music genres:

I'm going to be the first person to do rap - in a Country/Western theme.

Watch for my debut album.

Huh?

Okay, I know I'm not the brightest light bulb on the Christmas tree, but I see things that baffle me to no end. F'rinstance...

• Person pulls into parking lot and goes through assorted gyrations in order to back the car into a spot.
• People that will tool around in the parking lot at the mall or Giant Box Store for 20 minutes in the hope/expectation that they'll find The Perfect Parking Spot.
• People that get into line (inside, or in their vehicles) at some establishment or other, with absolutely no clue what they want -- and then proceed to gum up the works for everyone else while they strain their one-and-only brain cell trying to figure out what they want.
• People that enter a building only to stop just inside the door and stare vacuously into space as they try to figure out where they're at and where they're going. Anyone else that wants to get in is just going to have to wait...
  
• People that want to go charging onto an elevator as soon as it arrives at their floor, inconveniencing and annoying anyone that wants to get OFF the elevator.
• People that wheel the shopping cart out to their vehicle, and after unloading it, can't be bothered to move it to one of the cart holding areas (no matter how close) -- choosing instead to simply push it out of THEIR way, and leaving it for someone else to deal with.
• People that can't take the time/trouble to take the 3 steps needed to dispose of their trash, cigarette butts, or whatever in the nearby receptacle.
  

And damn glad of it!

I scored a 11% on the "how fucking JERSEY are you?" Quizie! What about you?

Four-legged nuisance

As I've noted before, my cat Elf has a surplus of 'personality'.

She isn't the slightest bit reluctant to do whatever it takes to get what she wants: she has no problem with standing on her hind legs and patting my arm to get my attention while I'm working on the computer. If that fails, she has been know to extend the Devices of Pain And Shredding and repeating her efforts on my side - invariably with success.

Here she is trying to convince me that I don't really need to sit in my chair by playing the "See how cute I am?" card:

Lots o' Links

This post is just a way to pass along a few things that have caught my attention the past few days:

What do you get when you cross a little-used street, some assorted colors of chalk, and a damn good artist? A bit of street art that looks like something it definitely isn't.

Not to be Politically Incorrect or intolerant or anything but anybody besides me have a problem with the idea of 'child marriages'? Even if the bride is 3?

Sometimes, the camouflage thing just doesn't work...

All in all, I'd say that this story is an example of the principle of Unintended Consequences. That, and a little Beaurocracy Gone Wild...

While it may not be an Olympic sport, rumor has it that there's going to be an additional venue at the 2010 Games in Canada.

If you're going to do a crime, you might want to give a little thought to your escape plan so you don't make the same mistake this guy did.
If you think election time in YOUR town is goofy, annoying, silly, tedious, or otherwise not worth your attention, you might want to compare it with what happens in San Francisco (don't forget to check out the videos).

Musical Magic

While Britain may not be known for its cuisine or dental care, there is one thing that they've pretty well got the world commodity on: The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain.

To give you an idea of how good these folks are, here's their rendition of the theme from
"The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly":

Line, line, everywhere a line...

The past few days, I've spent more time than I could possibly have wanted standing in a variety of lines - at the bank, at the grocery store, and so on. Being an inveterate (but not invertebrate) observer of people, here are a few of the things that I've noticed:

• There seem to be an inordinate number of dumbshits that plan to pay for a purchase with a check, but refuse to start filling the damn thing out while they're in line. Instead, they elect to wait until their entire purchase is rung up to start writing - apparently, they're afraid the date or name of the store will change while they're not looking...
• A transaction of pretty much any kind that involves a guy is accomplished in fairly short order; one where there are two women will most likely take anywhere from 5 to 10 times longer, depending on how well they know each other - regardless of how many people are piling up in line. There seem to be VERY few exceptions to this...
  
• An ungodly number of people wander around that are unable to remember what kinds of food items are available in various fast food establishments - necessitating that they get up to the cashier and stand there staring vacuously at the menu for several minutes while they try to make up their minds. The pictures on the menu only seem to confuse them...
• Some folks never seem to have learned line etiquette: they see nothing wrong with bolting from line 'A' to line 'B' when 'B' appears to be moving faster - only to want to reclaim their previous position in 'A' when it starts going.
• There are families that are so close that every last one of them - including Uncle Bob, Cousin Leroy, Grandma Moses, and their dog Ralph - want to share the experience of standing in line.
• A (fortunately rare) few people don't even seem to grasp the very concept of lining up - they'll wander up to where several people are waiting their turn for whatever product or service is being offered and try to get what they want instantly, if not sooner. Pointing out that there are others waiting - who arrived before THEY did - generally results in look of surprised bafflement as they try to come to grips with the idea that they can't have what they want. Those few that don't get looks of befuddlement are usually of the opinion that they are the most important thing in the Universe, and try the "I'm in a hurry" ploy - and get offended when it doesn't work.

There's one good thing about lines, however: as a vet, any time I go somewhere that there will be other vets, we KNOW how to stand in lines.

Yum, yum!

I've just recently finished one of my (very!) rare forays into McDonalds for a meal.

This time, I elected to go with the Chicken Select option with Honey Mustard sauce. As I was eating, I got to reading the label on one of the sauce packets (keep in mind that items are listed in order of percentage of content):

• water
• sugar
• dijon mustard (distilled vinegar, water, mustard seed, salt, white wine, citric acid, tartaric acid, spices)
• soybean oil
• honey
• corn syrup solids (um... isn't 'solids' kind of contrary to the idea of 'syrup'?)
  
• distilled vinegar
• modified food starch (modified from what to what?)
  
• egg yolks
• xanthan gum
• salt
• mustard flour
• titanium dioxide (wtf?)
  
• sodium benzoate as a preservative (great - the sauce will probably last longer than I do)
  
• propylene glycol alginate (don't know what it is, but it sure sounds appetizing, don't it?)
  
• spices (apparently I don't need to know which ones)
  
• tumeric
• artificial color (FD&C Yellow #5, FD&C Yellow #6)
• contains egg ingredients (I wasn't sure about that 'egg yolks' part, until they added this)
  

I'm not sure if that is supposed to be food, or a list of contents for a chemistry set...

Screwball cat

I've written before about my weirdo cat, Elf, and I thought folks might like to see what the little stinker looks like - so here you go:
And to give you an idea of how goofy she is, here she is in "stealth" mode (believing that she's invisible) in the bathtub, waiting for me to completely enter the bathroom so I can be ambushed:

Needless to say, it can be a bit disconcerting to head into the bathroom, only to find a sight like that greeting me...

Holidoozie

I went to see what the deal was with this post over at MT Politics, and damn near busted a gut laughing. It's priceless - go see for yourself :-)