As previously mentioned, I'm owned by the 4-legged nuisance known as Elf.
Being a cat, she (of course) owns me and everything in my apartment -- and is the single most important thing in the Universe. For example, her food dish is in the kitchen; that means (from her perspective) that if I go into the kitchen, it can obviously be only for the sole purpose of feeding her -- regardless of the amount of (dry) food already in her dish. Should I happen to fail in my primary obligation of tending to her every want and desire, Elf will contrive to 'remind' me of my duties. Here's a photo of her holding down a spot roughly in the middle of the kitchen floor, where it's necessary for me to step over/around her, regardless of what I might otherwise be doing:
"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff."