My cat is a moron.

As I've mentioned before, my cat Elf has a surfeit of 'character'. To wit:

The other day, she's in the kitchen, killing kibbles (knocking them around on the floor and 'killing' them so they can be eaten) when I decide to go out for a while.

While I'm sitting in my computer chair putting my shoes on, Elf comes barreling out of the kitchen, only to be surprised to find me blocking her way. She immediately freaks out (fluff up, leap into the air), and tears back into the kitchen - going so fast that she can't get enough traction on the linoleum floor to avoid crashing into the wall. Several seconds later, she comes casually strolling out of the kitchen as though it was some other cat that did the crash-and-burn, not her.

Dipshit.